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time... time...
please be faster...
Because I know, time heals almost everything..

Gone with the rain..

when I had doubts in myself
Mist came, blocked my eyes ..
shady ..
convenient ..
and so beautiful ..
I felt like walking on the clouds when the mist was coming ..
its beauty is breathtaking ..
Caught my heart gently
Enchanted my heart
Promised me a thousand dreams ..
and sang lullabies to me like I'm in heaven ..
until I had lost
it was all a shadow
it was all a dream
and like my feet didn't step on the earth..
I was flying
In this beautiful artificial mist
I was not be able to distinguish
Which one is reality, which one is only a dream
killed me slowly..
snatched my breath, ruined my life and I'm so hopeless
Because love is only one
and that beautiful mist is only for a moment
I thought there is real love ...
Obvious, it was all a mere gimmick
and it succeed to get me stuck on there
until I realized
since the rain falling from the sky..
and the mist all gone..
Behind me ...
there is a beam of light ..
are always waiting for me back
and can guide me
take care of me

remind me, that in reality, life is not all beautiful as a dream

but that's the honesty of a love
which I always has been ask many times
without realize it ...
Love is still there ..
Love isn't going anywhere
It just waiting and will hug when I look back

Oscarythm (my first finished novel) The Illustration

First time i made this novel when I was in senior high school..

Its a simple teenagers story. Oscaria, she is lovely girl and she has childhood memory about a boy who can drawing and bring a little turtle and a tree branch. Since that moment, she always want to have a big brother to protect her because she is the older child in her family. So when she become a student of 10th grade high school, she meet three boys.
They are... Rendi, He is university student, game addicted and a rich boy. Ricks, He is 12th grade high school student anime lover, painter, sporty and cheerful. And Zen, He is also 12th grade high school student who loves cooking very much, gorgeous, cool but he is not from rich family.
Since meet them, she become closer to them, and both of them assume her as their little sister. But Oscki confused, who is someone she love more not only as her brother but also as her "love".

Hey give me true love! (The Cover and Synopsis)

This story about a girl who dying.. She meet an angel who want her follow that angel to heaven.. but she didn't want to die and leave the world.. So, there is only one way to make her still alive.. She has a chance to live one more time but no one knows her.. also her family, her friends..
It feels like a dream..

Dark Wind (part one) -a foolish and naughty high school student

Sorry just upload a few sheet.. I will upload later because I must translate into English :)

About Ex... Just forgiving :)

about my ex boyfriend also my ex best friend

We were best friends when we were in high school, and we realized that we had our own world.. but then... we knew we in love.. Tried to care each other..

And unfortunately, we broke up :)

The Last moment as university student

My Graduation Day with my best friend, FelisYufanita.. 24092011


The Final Examination of My Bachelor Degree Thesis :) 04082011
with Anna and Yufan

Dark Wind (my 'stupid' manga) :p Intermezzo...

It's my manga... All in this manga is totally only my imagination and 'real' fiction..
Why i called it stupid? Because i draw it when i was seventeen and i never continued until now.. maybe someday i will finish this manga..
And its contained adult picture.. wew weww..
so, sorry if it looks dumb..
And the story about a foolish and innocent girl who broken heart with her senior, and meet the wicked evil.. (weird? maybe) so don't laugh because its only the imagination of the innocent teenage girl.. :p
And sorry if my draw not like commercial manga because i just draw it with pencil, eraser, rules and paper.. and i learned how to draw by myself (autodidact)

Story from the Sky, The scene Illustration.. part one

In costume party :)


Dyonia is a girl who cannot cooking..
Lonndy is a boy who love cooking very much..
She adores him..

to be continued.. :p

Let it be

Don't just try not to remember the past memories..
But also..
Try to forget it..
Just let it be..
What else..?
Hmm.. nothing.
It's enough

continue...

Let I continue my story...
all about him...
I don't care what they say about him...
What a sin if i love him and he loves me?
We in love for more than a year..
so, what they do care about?
This is my life..
Don't try to arrange my life
I know in the end what we fight, will not be in vain...
If we love each other, with the sincerity and honesty..
Everything is always right..

Lets continue again...
since March 2007.. that's what i called him, My March Wind
then he will be my sun..

ERASE

MARK ALL...


DELETE...


YOUR MEMORIES ABOUT HIM EMPTY



What you did from September 2011 to November 2011, Dhani?


Hmm... of course love my boyfriend, i called him "my march wind, Lonndy" everyday



DONE!!!

i surrender ... !

God,
It is almost the end of this year..
but why God..
Its happen again with me..
a year ago..
I also felt this feeling..
I know how feels being hurt..
but YOU made me feel this hurt again..
I didn't ask you to fall in love again..
I didn't ask you to make me fall again...
I didn't ask YOU..
but Why You did it to me again God..?
Every the end of the year since i knew how to love..
You always did it to me..
Now i feel like fall into the deepest of the valley of sorrow..
and i don't know how to climb it back?
Please, please..
I need the happiness.
Why i always suffer in the end of the year.. ?
Near to Christmas ?
Please..
I SURRENDER ...

I'm yours (part 2)

We've been a long together almost five years..
You are my everything..
Do you want i explain more..?
OK listen..
You are my real sun..
You are my salt..
You are my rain..
You are my breath..
Maybe they all said.. why i choose you to live my life..?
What i get after if i choose you?
They said i will only get a sorrow..
a sadness..
but they were wrong..
everybody can change even in a second..
and also with you..
I can stay with you for long time..
I think it's not short time..
little by little your cold attention to me,
changed to be more warm..
and I know you love me very much in the deepest of your heart..
but you can't explain it by the sweet words.. or romantic things..
you just can protect me when i walk with you..
make me comfortable..
Listen carefully what i like, what i hate..
and try not to hurt me.. by your silences..
because i know, you don't want to promise me many things..
that only can make me dreaming.. and i can be fall if what your promise not really happen..
but you promise me one thing, to love me only..
no other..
and also i know, you always try to make me happy with your own way..
and someday..
i know you will be a good man.. with good attitude..
and leave all your chaos life..
Please be my good man.. to stay with me forever..
in simplicity..
in fidelity..
in happiness or sadness..

love is simple.. but sometimes painful

*maksa cui wkwkwk

i want to love you with a simple
with unspoken words
by the wood to the fire which made it to ashes..

i want to love you with a simple
with undelivered cues
by the cloud to the rain which made it gone..

i want to love you with a simple
but you never give me a chance to see your eyes
or touching your skin
to prove you've been there..

Just end with a word: Adieu

to Mr. R.G

only a wind

finally..
That September Wind never comes..
forever...

September will be in December?

Dear God,

This is the first time, i can forget My March Wind.
We never meet before..
It's like am a dreamer who daydream all day.
When i know him... i feel nothing..
Just a friend who want to come here to enjoy his holiday.
Until he said love me.. in his language... Je T'Aime..
I was think it's real..
But until we realize.. that... we are different..
Like the sky and the earth.
The North and The South.
The cold and The Warm..
We are very different, God..
Why you make me being like this, God?
You can make me forget My March Wind, but make me hurt by that new wind..
That September Wind...
Make me fall...
and down..
He is too high... too far... too impossible..
But God, please give me a moment to remember him all the time...
Because i know you have a plan..
and you always have the story end when the story began..
I know it's not the end..
Make it true, God..
Make it true..
I just need one moment,
No more...

apa yg harus kuperbuat
karena perbuatanmu itu...
aku tak mengerti apa yang kau pikirkan
dan apa yang kau rasa
kau selalu berganti-ganti warna
sesuka hatimu
dan kau tak pernah mau mengerti
dengan apa yg aku rasa
kau datang sesukamu
dan pergi sesukamu

i'm yours

semua ini memang resiko yang harus aku ambil
karena telah memilihmu...
dan sikap dinginmu membuatku terbiasa...
meskipun ada saatnya kau membuatku hangat...
hingga aku tersenyum bahagia...
aku cinta kamu...
bukan hanya kata-kata
kau pun tahu itu..
bagaimana dengan kamu...
tak bisakah kau menghangatkanku lebih lagi...
dan buang jauh-jauh kenangan tentang masa lalumu...

Biarkan aku mendekapmu...

Aku ingin mendekapmu…

Karena aku ingin memberi kekuatan yang tak sanggup kuucapkan dengan kata-kata apa pun

Aku ingin mendekapmu ...

karena telah kusaksikan banyak air mata mengalir dari pelupuk indahmu

Yang kulihat dengan hati bergetar

Aku ingin mendekapmu…

Karena aku ingin berjalan bersamamu

Dalam menempuh liku hidup dengan tangan bergandengan

Ku ingin mendekapmu karena aku ingin kamu menangis didadaku

Kala hati dan pikiran jadi sesak tak menemukan jalan-jalan terang

Aku ingin mendekapmu…

Karena aku tak punya bahasa lain untuk bicara tulus bahwa aku sungguh sayang padamu

Aku ingin mendekapmu karena tak mampu kulukiskan

Betapa ingin aku berbagi hidup dan kau jadi belahan diriku

Aku ingin mendekapmu…

Karena aku ingin membisikkan kata-kata lembut “Aku selalu ada untuk mu”

Kau tidak akan pernah sendiri dan sunyi

Dan tak akan kubiarkan hatimu gentar

Aku ingin mendekapmu karena aku ingin mengusap rambutmu

Dan kuhirup wangi hati yang memberiku kelegaan

Aku ingin mendekapmu…

Karena aku ingin mengecup keningmu

Agar kau tidur dengan damai dan wajah senyum

Aku ingin mendekapmu karena aku ingin mengecup kelopak matamu

Membuatmu terpejam dalam kehangatan agar bahagia datang memenuhi dadamu

Aku ingin mendekapmu…

Karena aku ingin mengecup pipimu dan membiarkannya bersemu merah

Dengan mata berbinar dan wajah tersipu

Aku ingin mendekapmu karena kau sungguh berarti

Membuat hatiku hangat dan ringan penuh syukur tak terkira

Karena itu…

Izinkanlah aku mendekapmu

Dengan tangan gemetar karena haru

Dan dada berdebar karena bahagia

Aku ingin mendekapmu…

i will lost without you

kamu seperti sinar mentari yang masuk sembunyi-sembunyi lewat jendela rumahku...
kamu seperti udara pagi yang tertiup mengendap-endap lewat celah pintu...
bagaimana bila tak ada kamu...
mungkin aku akan...
terengah-engah...
dingin...
kesepian...
dan mati...

kasih, setia dan perbedaan itu....

katanya manusia cepat berubah dan melupakan...
tapi tak sama dengan kamu...
kamu berubah... tapi tak melupakanku....

ada istilah... sejahat-jahatnya manusia, pasti pernah jatuh cinta..
atau... penjahat pun pasti pernah jatuh cinta..
jelas, cinta itu universal, semua orang memilikinya...
meski itu tersembunyi dibalik penampilan kain hitam...
namun kita takkan pernah tahu apa dibalik warna hitam itu..
mungkin saja setangkai bunga mawar merah
ataupun merpati putih... ya, seperti tukang sulap saja...

aku tahu kamu memang mencintaiku...
aku pun juga...
namun aku tak tahu dan aku tetap mau tahu kok
bagaimana kamu membuktikan hal itu...

aku cinta kamu, mungkin kamu satu-satunya
yang dapat membuatku berbuat banyak hal atas nama cinta
aku tahu itu terdengar gombal bagi orang lain
tapi itulah kenyataannya...
bukankah cinta yang seperti ini hanya sekali seumur hidup...?
atau tak adakah lagi yang namanya "cinta tulus" yang ada hanya "cinta uang"

aku tahu cinta dan sebuah hubungan membutuhkan uang...
tapi bukankah uang bukan hal yang utama, hanya saja banyak yang beranggapan "segalanya adalah uang"
aku mengerti! Tapi aku punya jalanku sendiri untuk mempercayai sebuah hubungan bernama cinta, yang orang bilang tak bisa bila tanpa "segalanya adalah uang"
tak bisa karena kami berbeda...
berbeda segalanya... yang sama hanya kasih dan kesetiaan kami..

Hello is it me you're looking for?

I've been alone with you inside my mind
And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times
I sometimes see you pass outside my door
Hello, is it me you're looking for?

I can see it in your eyes
I can see it in your smile
You're all I've ever wanted
And my arms are open wide
Cause you know just what to say
And you know just what to do
And I want to tell you so much
I love you

I long to see the sunlight in your hair
And tell you time and time again how much I care
Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow
Hello, I've just got to let you know
'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely
Or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying, I love you

Is it me you're looking for?
'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
(wonder what you do)
Are you somewhere feeling lonely
Or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by sayin
I love you

"This song just for him.
Only him that i love."

rindu 1/2 mati

ya ampun...
lagi-lagi kau menghantuiku
dalam mimpiku
kau seakan nyata..
dan mimpi itu seperti bukan khayalan...
andai aku dapat bertemu denganmu lagi...
seperti waktu terakhir kita berjumpa..
tapi aku takkan pernah mau..
berakhir dengan tangisan..

Ya Tuhan!!
Aku sungguh sangat merindukannya!

cinta mati

entah apa lagi yg harus aku perbuat
karena aku tak dapat menghapus dirimu dari ingatanku
sadar atau tanpa sadar
kamu
takkan pernah hilang dari hidupku...
biarkan aku mencintaimu... sampai mati..
aku harap kau juga begitu... (?)

beku

rasanya aku ingin membekukan hatiku saja...

I'm a Dreamer but I'm not the only one

aku memang senang bermimpi...
setinggi galaksi bima sakti
sedalam lubang hitam...
namun
aku bukan satu-satunya...
seorang pemimpi
hingga seperti tak mungkin tercapai..
tapi...
ada sebuah kemungkinan
atas kemustahilan itu bukan?

-you may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one-

hanya aku & Engkau

Tuhan, aku tahu...
mungkin Engkau belum mengijinkan aku...
untuk mencintai dan dicintai secara bersamaan...
aku tahu...
Engkau telah menggariskan sesuatu untukku
tentang kehidupanku secara keseluruhan...
yang aku tak tahu apa rencanaMu..
dengan terjatuh berkali-kali, aku pun akan selalu bangkit berkali-kali..
dan aku takkan pernah menyerah dg keadaan, yg memaksaku utk meneteskan air mata..
takkan kutunjukkan pada siapapun...
aku senang dg aku..
aku cinta aku..
dan cinta Kau, Tuhanku...
Tuhan biarkan aku selalu tegar...
dengan kehidupan ini.
karena setiap detik napas yg Kau berikan
begitu berharga

aku ingin kenangan *ver 2

maaf aku baru sadar...aku benar-benar baru tahu kalau kamu ingin sendiri..
kamu baru saja membuka lembaran baru...
yang benar-benar baru... tapi kamu sudah tahu bagaimana dan akan menjadi seperti apa...

maaf kalau aku seperti mengharapkanmu...
aku hanya ingin kenangan...
dengan bertemu denganmu...
itu saja

(terakhir aku bertemu denganmu pada 7 November 2008) (sudah lama bukan?)
-
aku ingin kenangan *ver 1

no reason

aku tak bermaksud mendamba cintamu...
aku hanya ingin kamu mengulurkan tanganmu untukku..
sebagai bentuk penghargaan akan aku..
namun sungguh percuma...
kamu tak memandangku sedikit pun..
kamu mengacak-acak relungku..
dan kamu meninggalkanku..
tanpa alasan...

aku... kamu... sendiri-sendiri

aku tak tahu lagi kemana aku akan melangkah, bila dengan kamu.
aku pun tak tahu kemana kamu...

kamu ya kamu
aku ya aku
sudah terlalu banyak yang membentengi kita.

dunia kamu bukan dunia aku..
meskipun aku seperti tersesat tanpa kamu
toh aku pun dapat menemukan jalanku sendiri
sendiri tanpa kamu

es di hati kamu pun tak kan mencair..
biarlah kamu cairkan sendiri
sendiri tanpa aku

aku tak tahu lagi
apa yang harus kulakukan...
dengan atau tanpa kamu...

jika hasilnya sama saja...
lebih baik tanpa kamu..
karena aku tak perlu mencari-cari lagi
cinta ... yg ternyata sia-sia

hoping 2011

bingung mau nulis apa...
sebagai pembukaan di tahun 2011 ini...
yaa...
pokoknya...
do my best... ^^